My husband and I frequently get together with his family on holidays. His mother asks, no *insists*, that I make my pimento bread EVERY time. That seems innocent enough, but the problem is, my pimento bread is HORRIBLE, inedible, toxic. I see most of it wadded up in napkins on plates or in the trash. I think she does it so everyone hates me. What should I do?
Cook in Consternation
I’ll eat your pimento bread. What’s a pimento? Note: I’m not trying to make everyone hate you. I’m just hungry.
I’m currently being held hostage by Russian spies in an abandoned warehouse in Kuala Lampur. There is a bomb with an electronic timer counting down … 1:27, 1:26, 1:25… There is a blue wire and a light-blue wire. Two questions: aren’t the Russians our friends? Second, which wire should I cut??
Imperiled in Malaysia
Quick! Change the channel! That sounds scary. You should calm your nerves by turning off that TV and getting something to eat. Grab something for me, too!