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ASK MAX

June 29, 2006 Edition

Hey Max,

The guy I allow to live here with me says he wants to come to your mom’s NYC book signing in July. He’s also told me about you (thus my Q’s)… I want to glom onto him and come with, in hope of meeting you, but he keeps saying “nope.” What can I do? Stow away in the back seat? Hide out on the train somewhere? If I can’t do these things with him, what’s the date, and how can I find the bookstore on my own? (PS Please tell your reader, “Bewitched,” that my guy is all your mom would want from a man/dog lover.)

Keisha in Connecticut

Dear Keisha,

Dogs can’t read, but we have excellent hearing, and that’s why I think the “reading/signing” is definitely for you.

Where: Barnes & Noble Chelsea, New York

Address: 675 6th Avenue Click here for directions

Date: Thursday, 7/6/06

Time: 7 pm

You’ll hear witticisms from my Mom’s new book, Stupid and Contagious, available now through bn.com, amazon.com (click here), and fine booksellers everywhere. Careful – if you go through the line to say “Hi,” she ends up writing in your copy. Geez – that’s private property! But depending on how far away in CT you live, stowing away in a car can be tough work. For instance, you don’t want to sit up and strap on the shoulder restraint – too much of a dead giveaway. So you bounce around back there like a thought in a politician’s head, this way and that, clocking your noggin against the doors but unable to squeal out, “Hey! Slow down around the corners!” Nor can you feel the rush of wind in your face, which is why dogs originally invented cars. I’ve never tried to stow away on a train (too afraid of the *clak clak*). If you do get here, note that the Brooklyn Bridge is not for sale. On the matter of Bewitched, hey, I’m just the piano player around here.

Dear Max:

My Shih Tzu(s) would like to know why you spell Shih Tsu with a “S”…when it is spelled with a “z”?? Just wondering…? A bunch of Shi Tzu’s! PS – 1/2 are Champions and the other 1/2 are almost Champions.

Magic Shih Tzu

Uh oh it’z Magic:

It’z not zurprizing you would zend zuch a queztion. Of courze, zome zpell Shih-Tzu with an “s” and zome with a “z.” But I refuze to zet azide zuch a zweet zuggeztion, and never let it be zaid thiz Shih-Tzu doezn’t lizten (like some intranzigent soo animal) — ztarting today, a shih-tzu I will be … and why not … it’z time I brought a little sezt to thiz zite! (By the way, congratz to the Championz, and almost congratz to almozt Championz…!)

Dear Max,

I am mad at life.

Phillip H.

Dear Phillip,

Don’t be.

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